Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The adults are the big ones right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
