Michael Bay diarrhea
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
