I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
