do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
