He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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