she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your cock deserves a montage
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
