I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
