i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
