we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
