Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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