Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am spending my child support on dildos
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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