I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
