I wish I only lived at night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
