new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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