I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
