there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
