Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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