need another drink. this is the easiest way
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
