Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
