There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
