so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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