i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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