So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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