Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
