I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
