Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have post one night stand depression
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
