we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
