I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
