fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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