come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I supernannyed him into submission
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
