you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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