i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
whose parrot is this?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
