can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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