So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize