I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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