hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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