went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
