so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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