so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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