this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
