if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
