I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
