is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
