your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
