You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish my penis had a tongue
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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