I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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