So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
