Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
