Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
