so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize