I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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