this beer tastes like vomit already
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
