If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
