Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize