Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
