At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
