Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
