the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
