Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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