she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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