i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
