But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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