I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
