I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
