I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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