Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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