I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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