i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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