Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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