I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
