Your tits are I can't wait for
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
