We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
