any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's never too late to be topless.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
