can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
