Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
