Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
