I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im six kinds of drunk right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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